Tuesday, April 21, 2009

5 Weeks Out...come along for the ride

It has been a weird week this week..it's been a roller coaster ride that I would like to get off of.....now!. My emotions have been all over the place. Frustration that I am still in a lot of pain as well as the feeling of sadness that I just spent the last 60 days in pain and on bed rest( It feels like I just lost 60 days of my life)...I know that in the grand scheme of things 60 days isn't a huge amount of time, but being in pain constantly as well as not living your normal daily life can do a number on your psyche. I decided at the end of the week that I have grieved my circumstances, and my 60 days lost ,and now I need to suck it up and move on.....bring on the positive vibes!

The reason I am even mentioning this is that I feel when people go through surgery the physical pain is always the topic of discussion not the emotional pain, and trust me it is a blend of both that has made this week a rough one. I want to stay positive ,but constant pain can wear you down . Also losing a lot of my independence do to being on crutches (just showering and making lunch becomes a whole production that can tire me out. I am sick of feeling like I am 80 years old..(not that there is anything wrong w/ being 80 but at 34 you don't strive for that 80 year old feeling...that time I am saving for my future ...down the road...way down the road). Also I am feeling angry at my hip..pissed off that it is messing w/ my life! I don't want to be having a pity party for myself, because that doesn't get you anywhere ,but i think it is OK to grieve your situation ,be angry at it ,but then you got to move on, so i feel that is what this past week has been for me. Also being on pain medication ..while very helpful for my actual pain (and has got me through the past 5 weeks) can also mess with your emotions it just make you feel not like yourself which adds to the roller coaster ride I talked about at the start of this post. Bottom line: surgery #2 recovery has just been more painful for me physically and emotionally..I hope the final results will be worth the pain!

Well now the positive parts:

pos #1: I have definitely gotten faster on my crutches...now I am not just saying this to show off that I am super stealth on crutches (which I am ;) )....I feel being faster on crutches means my hip is healing and that is why I can move around better....which in turn may be that my time on crutches may be getting closer to coming to an end!

pos#2: I am showering w/ out help...having strangers shower you is not as exciting as one might think....please trust me on this;)

pos#3: On our one nice day outside I did get to sit on the bench in front of my house to catch some much needed vitamin D and I did some walking w/ my crutches on my sidewalk..which felt damn good! My new "vampire chic" look may be coming to an end! Don't get me wrong I mean I am still keeping my hair black I just may start to actually not look like death anymore.

pos#4 Finished my last sessions of visiting PT and OT and I am now released into the world of outpatient PT..which means I am inching closer to getting back to getting off crutches, working, and driving again/ aka my normal life.

I want to give major shout-outs (do you do shout-outs on blogs..well whatever.. it's my blog I can do what I want ;) ) to the people this week who have been listening to my venting via phone or email, and the peeps who have come over to hang out which in turn took my mind off my hip as well as put a smile on my face..you know who you are and I GREATLY appreciate it...Thank you sooooooo much!!!!!!

As one of my favorite quotes goes "The secret to life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times." Thank you to all the people who have been helping me get up and stay up this time around...it hasn't been easy, but I feel I am very lucky woman to have so much love and support from amazing people ,and for that I am doing my best/my part to be my strongest self...so cheers to the upcoming week and hopefully a lot more progress!

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