wasn't expecting this.......

Well this is probably my most controversial piece of writing yet....I mean I am no Perez Hilton spilling celebrity affairs so don't get to carried away.... what I mean it is that this is probably my deepest,open, and most opinionated post probably to date..

Pain Meds:
It is the angel and the devil all rolled into one small package. Now I am just one person, w/ one experience. My story is probably different than other stories, so it's not a story that you should make any decisions off of, it's just my experience that I have decided to share.
It is July 16th and I am 96 hours into my pain med withdrawal .I am currently having some difficulty standing due to dizziness from the medicine the hospital gave me last night, my fingers ache typing this so this will probably be continued tomorrow, my stomach burns from all the vomiting, and my heart feels like it going at a rapid pace (restlessness, anxiety). This is my "payback" I guess for my somewhat pain relief post surgery..I guess you always got to pay up sometime.

This post is not against pain meds, if it wasn't for pain meds I probably would have died post surgery due to shock alone from the horrific pain, I known people who couldn't live a "normal" life unless it was for these meds, so in that case they are life saving, all I know w/ the relief they give there are prices to pay..something that shouldn't be taken lightly by Dr. or patient. I also think it is unfortunate that insurance companies will seem to ok people taking pain medication  most of the time (and they don't always do that which is a whole topic w/in itself) ,but they don't seem to ever ok acupuncture or massage therapy or any holistic medicine that has no side effects afterwards. My Dr after my first surgery gave me a script for acupuncture and my insurance company literally laughed it off. I paid for a few sessions of massage therapy after surgery #2 which felt awesome, but at $100 a pop it wasn't affordable especially after missing so much work after surgery. PT can help, but insurance only gives you a limited amount of sessions.  If you want more you really got to fight for it, and I have.

My Story:
3 surgeries deep on my right hip.  First two arthroscopic the most recent was open surgery (surgical dislocation of my right hip), my surgeon even said that it is one of the most painful surgeries a person can have. I was prescribed vicodin and acupunture after my first surgery (labral debridement, microfracturing of rt hip, and removal of loose bodies.)  Morphine in the hospital, scripts for vicodin upon leaving. My Vicodin got approved my acupuncture didn't. I was on Vicodin for about 3 weeks regularly post first surgery, and then tapered off and used it only for bad pain days. About a year later my hip tore again in February. I was provided vicodin for my severe pain which I took some nights when I got home from work, didn't have  surgery #2 till March. After Surgery Morphine and Dilloted for a few days in the hospital, then pills. Took vicoden again since percoet makes me very sick. Used it for about 3 weeks post surgery.  I still had quite a few pills left and on days after a hard PT session or a day at work where I used it a lot I would take one vicodin to help w/ pain if ice and tens unit did not seem to do the trick.

Hip stated to get worse in September went for a few more opinions and found out that my hip had FAI and that I could have a chance to save my hip if I get this open surgery done. I had 5 second opinions that were all in favor of this was my chance to get out of as much pain as my hip would allow w/ out getting a new hip, ( I was not approved for a new hip due to my age and that only 1/2 my hip is damaged.) The pain was pretty severe so I was prescribed more vicodins to help until my surgery date arrived which was a 3 month wait. Hip surgery is not emergency surgery..severe pain that interferes in your every day existence does not count as an emergency. I took the vicodins when I couldn't tolerate the pain anymore.

After my third surgery I was in the hospital and rehab hospital for almost a total of 4 weeks. During that time I was on large quantities of pain meds..I don't even remember much of the first 11 days. After I was taken off the IV pain meds, the morphine pills I took helped extremely w/ the pain..I knew this for 2 reasons  #1 I could feel when I was due for the med I almost couldn't breath because of the pain and #2 when I had to go off the morphine for eight hours because of my double blood transfusion I was screaming in pain..even w/ ice packs up and down my leg. The drawback for my pain free time was that  I constantly felt seasick, I had a hard time walking w/ my crutches so I always had to be supervised for my dizziness and I had such blurry vision I could hardly see. I left the rehab hospital w/  2 vicodin every 6 hours..they wanted to give me stronger meds, but I was scared to take them since I tend to have difficulty w/ medication. My allergy bracelet can never hold all the meds I am allergic to..I am that person ;)

I had visiting nurses and PT once I got home, my whole "medical team" thought I couldn't go forward w/ PT and make gains because my pain was stopping me...which it was. My surgeon sent me to a pain clinic..first option was methadone..the new surgical pain relief med, I said NO, it seemed like to strong of a drug and I was worried to take it, in the end I was convinced to do the Fentanyl Patch..they said it was the perfect drug for me..no major side effects and can help seriously w/ my pain. I put it on that afternoon..four hours into the patch I was w/ my OT guy he said I was slurring my words and I didn't look ok..talked to pain clinic they said, "rip it off" it takes 12 hours for the full effect and I was already way drugged out 4 hours in...I got so sick that night..headache, nausea..awful. Next morning took the lower dosage patch and tried again...it really was strong at first, but after a week of feeling "drugged out" I started to get adjusted..graduated visiting PT and started outpatient PT. I was told to use the vicodin every 8 hours for beakthrough pain which I did on my bad days but I stayed away from it on my good. After awhile they wanted to raise my patch dosage, but I decided to stick w/ what I had and deal w/ a little pain. Use it as a indicator.

After 3 months on the patch I just was sick of feeling a little off, memory was not as strong, felt sick to my stomach more often, couldn't go out in the sun (it is summer takes away from that summer fun), lightheaded, depressed, just not completely myself. The pain clinic tried to tell me I should stay on it until I finished PT, I said "nope I want off now", I need to know what kind of pain I am really dealing w/ at this point and if it is tolerable then why stay on drugs. Ripped patch of Monday afternoon.
Tues/Wed
-Nausea
-vomiting
-Flu like achinesss from my toes to my finger
-abdominal pain so intense it felt like fire
-constipation
-insomnia
-restlessness/anxiety/ feeling like you didn't want to be in your skin
-depression and crying

Thurs: pain so bad took a trip to local hospital per order of my PCP and Dr at Pain Clinic..had x-rays of my bowels and was given IV drip for fluids, Zofran for nausea, Ativan for anxiety, restlessness and nausea, and clonadine for withdrawal symptoms...so lots of drugs to help w/ getting off drugs..how ironic. I refused to take the vicodin (which they said I should use to ween off patch) since my hip wasn't killing me and I wanted off the pain meds especially after what I was going through.

I am still really hurting but better than yesterday..there is no way I could have typed this yesterday. I want to know when I am going to feel like myself again and when will the symptoms subside. It is truly a HORRIBLE feeling..probably some of the worst days of my life and I have had some bad days. Given what I know now..would I have made the same decisions..possibly..the pain I had in my hip was so great, but I wasn't aware of the consequences for my pain relief..I wasn't taking these pills for fun, so I am not going to get addicted. I may have not been addicted mentally, but I sure was addicted physically come to find out now. It's a question I don't have answers for..do you take the pain meds and suffer later or suffer and hope to get better w/ time and ice packs. It's hard when you don't have consistent medical guidance.I feel like my pain clinic should have been doing a better job looking over me, they were more like drug dealers, they never talked to me about my pain, never asked me to keep a pain journal (my surgeon asked me about this recently and in retrospect that would have been a good idea), they never really talked much about my pain..more about how I felt on the meds, paid a $20 co-pay for a 5 minute apt where we pretty much discussed nothing, but they got their money and I left w/ my new script.....and a return apt card.

As patients we should be given all options to help us from moderate to more intense. If we take pain medication it should be monitored closely and the patient should be watched carefully and should have true support from their medical team when coming off of it. We should be allowed and be given the right to have covered by our insurance alternative and non addictive pain relief options as a viable option if we choose. And no one should be denied pain relief if needed...everyone deserves a chance to function to the best of their ability. They should just be done as safe as possible...is that to much to ask for from our health care?? Should a person who is already suffering from one ailment have to suffer more because they trust in what there Dr's are giving them to "help" them??? Just something to think about...well it something I am definitely thinking about.

Me and My Calfsters... It Doesn't Sound Right ..and It Sure Don't Feel Right!

AHHHHHHHHHHH!  Here's a riddle...When Recovering from hip surgery what do you expect NOT to happen.......  Give up??? How about not being able to walk on your "good" leg as well as your "bad" leg! Unfortunately this isn't a riddle..it is reality...temporary reality, but reality just the same!

I have been doing PT for four months now..Hospital PT, Visiting PT, and now outpatient PT. This past week I have been pushed up to 3 days a week of PT. Day 1 Aquatic Therapy (mon)  Day 2. Land Therapy (Wed) A mixture of exercise for all parts of my leg and hip.  As my PT guy said to me.."You don't have just a hip problem you got a whole leg problem"  (meaning that muscles, nerves, tendons have all been affected by my 3 surgeries, immobility, crutches, bed rest, compensation, yada yada yada ) ,so he wants to take things slow and be careful..hence why he doesn't want me parting ways w/ my crutches quite yet.).  Day 3 Land therapy (Friday) My PT guy was out today and I got another PT guy..don't get me wrong this guy was a nice guy and he seems to be good at his job I just think things went awry, because he didn't know my case or me. His  concern was that my calf muscle on my right side seem to be greatly atrophied, so we spent the hour doing stretches and strengthening my calf muscles..The stretches hurt (a lot), but the other exercise for my calves just seem to hurt like regular PT pain..working muscles that are recovering kind of pain. 

I left PT, went w/ D to Market Basket in my wheelchair (no way could I do my first real market trip on crutches...I almost got knocked over a few times in that place and I was in a wheelchair!!??) Then I went out to hear D perform some songs at a local Bar for a Beatles Tribute night (he did a great job by the by...awesome rendition of Blackbird by the Beatles) and watch a great Beatles Tribute Band..it was a fun night..I spent it sitting down..had some pain in my hip but D's brother got me some disposable Ice packs (Thanks Mark) and I made it through the night and had a fun time to top off a very busy but successful day (pic on top is from that night).

6AM Sat morning..woke up in excruciating pain...tried to get up to go the bathroom and realized I couldn't stand on either one of my legs. D is not only a "Rock Star" but a nurse as well..there was some inflammation..he felt it was due to overuse from my PT session the day before. I was in severe pain all day..icing my calves till they were numb..eventually I couldn't take the pain by 6pm and put a call into DR. M. He actually called me back in 10 minutes..My surgeon returning calls on a sat night..Shocked..I know I was! Dr M as always was helpful..he agreed that my calf muscles were definitely/ strained and most likely inflamed..so his recommendation was ice packs, propping my legs up on pillows, taking more of my pain med and adding prescription motrin for inflammation. The next 48 hours was pretty rough between the pain and aching in my lower legs..not being able to walk..and feeling sick from my meds..I pretty much wanted to be someone else. It is now Monday night and I can put some weight on my good side now and move around a little bit..eased off some of the meds, but still resting.

When you have been through what I have been through (fellow hipsters ya know what I mean) when something goes "wrong" it can be a little scary..you don't want anything else wrong w/ you, you don't want your recovery to back track, etc. I tried to fight through that fear as much as I could which isn't always easy especially when you are on pain meds. It also makes you nervous in trusting PT. I am all for PT, and it has helped me a lot, but I also know my own body and I should have probably spoken up when the stretching was hurting and when we seemed to be doing all calf exercises since that is not what I have been doing. I trust my PT people, because they are experts, but I got to remember to that I am also an expert....of my body! Fingers crossed legs will be back on track by my next PT session on wed!

No Pain..No Gain...not quite yet!

PT!!!!

Pretty much PT is my life currently..I have graduated from visiting PT to out patient PT in the past few weeks.

My First session

PT Guy :"Wow you have so much scar tissue going on I can feel it through your shorts"
ME: "Hmmm ok..yes I can feel it too
PT Guy: "The first few weeks we are going to have to do massage therapy for this, because you need to break up the scar tissue...seriously you should be even massaging yourself every day...you should probably even book an apt for a massage"
ME: OK..If you say so..massage it is!


Later that week: First Official PT day

PT Guy: get on bike for 10 minutes

and hour passes w/ intense PT exercises

PT guy: ok we are now going to massage that scar tissue
5 minutes later..
Ok see you next week

Now I know PT is what this all about, but seriously all I got was a 5 min massage and I am on week 3..talk about not following through w/ the program ;)

I have been doing the stationary bike as well (up to 38 min a day now) and this week out patient PT is now to 3 times a week. It has been a pretty intense work out..I seriously have passed out every day after my session for a good 2 hour nap..and I don't usually do this...and ice packs are back in full force!

Drum roll please:

Today was the big day though..June 21st 2010...Aquatic Therapy!  This was a first for me ..and I was soooooooooooo excited! I love to swim so this seemed right up my alley.  First off...Water is magic!!! Second Off my bathing suit still fit me from last summer..yay! (That is always a fear after you have been sitting around for 3.5 months ;) )

Location: I was in a large 4ft deep swimming pool..I am 5ft 7inches.. 

I handed my crutches over to my PT guy and grabbed onto the bars on the ramp to lower myself gradually into the pool...by the time I was at the end of the ramp..I was WALKING on my own w/out crutches...I felt like Superwoman and water is the source of my magical powers! I walked the length of the pool 4 times..two of those times he had me walking backwards.  We also did calf and glute stretches in the water which was easier and I practiced standing on my "bad" leg while doing kicks to the side and then vice versa. Then it was all over and as I slowly walked up the ramp I felt my magical powers being drained from me...especially when my crutches were handed back to me.  My PT guy said you are not the first person to look like that getting out of the pool ..I am sure I wasn't;)  He said I am a interesting patient due to my 3 surgeries and the extensive nature of this particular surgery, as well as my extreme psoas tendinitis issue, so he is currently not following the "No Pain No Gain" mentality..he is saving that for later on...excellent ;) He did say before I walked off to the changing room....we got to do some more massage therapy this week... ;)

So at this point in my recovery:
**I am approaching my 4 month anniversary..YAY (Dr M. said the first 4 months are the worst and it will take about 6 months to get back on my feet)
**I am using a cane full time at home in my apt and crutches for outdoor adventures ( this is what my PT and Dr orders are currently) until my muscles are stronger.
**Still going to the pain clinic every few weeks to regulate my pain meds (hopefully I will be done w/ that soon...pain meds sure take a toll on your body but everyone is insisting that I need them to get through my PT currently..ugh)
**Doing Stationary bike at home every day..working my way up time wise..38 minutes currently!

Also I have started a new blog..one that focuses on more than just my hipster..I am still definitely will be updating this blog I just added another one..for fun ;) You can check it out or become a follower of it:

http://sj-sarahinthecity.blogspot.com/

"Hip"fully Enlightened

Tonight as I was writing to one of my lovely "hip sisters" I wrote down the words

"I think in the past week I have truly come to peace w/ my hip...I think in the end it has given me more than it has taken....."

I would like to back track for a second ...Last week I got one of those lovely before summer colds that takes you out of commission for a good 5 plus days and in my case this sentence is almost ironic...but nonetheless I have been up to this point a busy "resting hipster" (PT ALL THE TIME..is my new motto). Pretty much I had a break from my break in life (see I told you I am ironic) but since I couldn't do any PT, and I couldn't talk (because my voice was very hoarse) I had time to read (Dead in the Family :Sookie Stackhouse Series book 10, The Host, The Help, and Eating Animals...discuss amongst yourself my wide variety of book choices..I am a diverse individual ;) )













as well as I also had a lot of time to think and reflect, not like I didn't have lots of time to do this before, but being three months out and 3 surgeries in you always start looking at things w/ a new perspective.  I mean everyone reflects especially when you have "major" events happen in your life...why is this happening.....why did this happen to me...what did I do to deserve this...as George Costanza so eloquently said,.."yada yada yada".  .I know you catch my drift, but nonetheless I feel a strong desire to write this particular post...and as they say it's my blog so I can do what I want...actually does anyone say that ;)

Maybe it's the pain meds, maybe it's been the 3 months of being mostly in the house, maybe it is the cold, or maybe just maybe I have been a little enlightened...... stranger things have happened ;)

So here it goes..No way around it..what happened to me and my hip (yes we are now 2 entities) sucks...bottom line...Pain Sucks, Surgery Sucks, Recovery Sucks, Missing out on things Suck, Being Stuck in the Hospital Sucks, Missing Work Sucks (I know some of you may disagree w/ that but...) Being Dependent Sucks...OK I think you all getting the Sucking Point, but I think as we all know sometimes life can just Suck. We will all have our moments of unhappiness, pain or what not, but what you get out of the suckiness is another matter all together, so w/out any more chit chat this is what doesn't suck....

-I have learned to be a stronger person...mentally and physically
-I have found out how much I like to write
-I know I can deal w/ pain and I know how to get through it
-I am a braver person
-I know I have people I can count on no matter what and I will go as far as saying that some relationships have even gotten stronger through this period of my life, because of the working together part.  Hard times can bring people closer, as well as show you who are truly your real friends. (Thank You to my Friends and Family for all your love and support...no words can ever express how much you all mean to me and what you have done for me.)
-It has open me up to reevaluate my life in many ways and appreciate what I do have in ways I may have not before
-I have met my fellow Hip Sisters who have experienced the same journey and together we have been able to educate others and lend support to other Hipsters (Thank You Girls for all your help xox)
-I have learned how to be Pro-active/ to understand that I have to make things happen for me..get the right help, get the right information, not take no for an answer, to be my own/best advocate
-Understanding my body and how fragile it is, but also how strong it is, and what it has the ability to do
-How to do things even though they may not be my "normal" way of doing it..I can still get the job done..(Example one: My wheelchair way of sweeping and washing floors) So being independent during a time when I am more dependent
-Asking people for help and feeling OK w/ it as well
-Learning how to fight and strive and work hard to create my own happiness even during dark times...this is never given...ever.
-Learning how to be more patient (as a patient..and as a non-patient too ;))

So even though there has been some very dark times I am now understanding that the lesson learned may be more valuable to the rest of my life than having a "perfect" hip...because as we all know; nothing is perfect ;)

ps. I just noticed that this is my 50th post on this blog..LOL..I wrote 50 posts about one body part....LOL.... wonder what I could do w/ a more diverse subject matter ;) Happy 50!

Hipster In Boston!

Well I am now getting out and about a little more and this past weekend I made the official first " Lets get dressed up and go out on an adventure to the big city"...;)  A birthday celebration for my BFF Nicole (Happy Birthday again N!)

A group of us went out to a nice dinner at Pomodoro in the North End of Boston (highly recommend the restaurant by the by). Now if you are not familiar w/ the North End ..most of the restaurants are very tiny inside..which makes for a nice, quaint , and romantic time, but proves to be a little tricky if you are on crutches..especially big shiny red ones like the ones I roll w/..;) The restaurant was quite accommodating though..they actually put my crutches by the front door so I didn't have to worry about leaning them on anything or anyone (by accident) ;) and they retrieved them for me for "bathroom breaks" or to stretch.
Sitting for long periods of time is still hard on the hipster, and it's not as easy to stretch when you are out to dinner, but I would recommended it if you are sitting for awhile or you will probably regret it once you do finally stand up. Also being on pain meds out and about is a little different than in the comfort of your own home. At this point the pain meds are helping me w/ my ability to function better day to day w/ my increase PT and moving around, but they do make you feel a little off.  That "offness" you feel though seems to magnify though when you amongst lots of people and lots of commotion...can't quite put it in to words ...but I did feel a little woozy while I was out and about...

It was really nice to get out and feel a part of this world again,and be part of the people you care about celebrations (missing out on things is really one of the worst parts of recovery)

Parking was very hard..even w/ my handicap Placard there was no where to park...honestly handicap parking is very very very limited...which is quite ridiculous...and the one handicap parking space was being used by a very non-handicap man...PEOPLE handicap parking is for people who are handicap getting out of the car..if you drop off a handicap person and then use the parking that is not what it is for and not allowed..ok I feel better that I said that! But luckily my friend was driving and dropped us all off out front of the restaurant and he went and parked the car (Thank You Bowen)

Overall it was a FABULOUS night and I look forward to getting out more!
Ps. It did take the whole next day to recover physically so it's good to space out adventures in the beginning (but I also moved as well during the week..but I will save that for another blog post ;) )
pps. Don't worry..I DIDN'T WEAR HEELS..I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSONS..heehee

Did you just call my tissue.......FAT??????????!!!!!!!!

Well I am officially 3 month post surgery as of tomorrow and 2 days ago I had my 3 month check up w/ Dr. M and here is what he had to say...

My swelling seems to stem from a collection of fatty tissue, scar tissue, and muscles not molding back into place yet because as he said to me .."Sarah, I did do A LOT of work in there ..it's going to take some time..." So it is causing swelling in a few places in my hip and that in turn is putting pressure on my sciatic nerve..which is causing pain radiating down my leg and into my foot. Also I do have bad arthritis in a section of my hip..in the "already to much damaged part" which may also be causing me pain..plus one of my major muscles hasn't fired up yet..so the big thing at this point is PT!! Need to get my hip and leg stronger...ASAP! So Dr. M graduated me from visiting PT to outpatient PT (yay another milestone..I like those). I am going to do a mixture of aqua therapy/and land therapy which should be interesting since this will be a new "hip" experience for me. It looks like I will be able to start back to work part-time in July (YAY), and no driving until I am off all pain meds and walking w/out any crutches or a cane...need a strong right leg to be able to hit the brake when needed. So I have been approved by "The Ride" to transport me and my hispter around when needed..which I am sure will make for some "interesting "rides ....especially when I don't have any pictures of my "grandchildren" to share w/ my fellow passengers..lol ;)  Currently I am using a mixture of one crutch or a cane inside my apt and two crutches for outside adventures..which I have been having more of..YAY!

Thank You soooooooo much Jaxson for making a hospital experience as fun as it can be (I am jealous ..I think Dr. M is starting to like you more than me..lol) and thank you for a really fun post hospital day..what a great way to celebrate my 3 month anniversary..You're the Best!! xoxoxoxox

Also some other sidenotes:
Thank You Ellen for a great lunch outside in the BEAUTIFUL sun..so nice, fun, and invigorating for me and my hipster....I had an awesome time xoxo
Thank You again Dad for my stationary bike ..I am up to 22 minutes on it and I am going for 25 minutes before the end of the week..GOALS! xoxo
I had a FABULOUS time celebrating your birthday Mom..it was a nice and fun dinner, and I also enjoyed being w/ Karen, Maria, and Marla ..Wonderful ladies/Wonderful evening  xoxox
What all this means is that I am also starting to be able to do more, sit a little longer, and walk farther on my crutches..which is all major improvements in the past few weeks :)

To my fellow hipsters I guess my one negative thought currently is Pain..I am so tired of it....I just want to feel some relief ..I mean I am obviously better than I was 3 months ago, but I am still in enough pain for the pain to get through my pain meds and be w/ me almost every minute of every day which is disheartening, so that is what I am waiting for to improve most of all....pain is extremely draining....pain meds are extremely draining as well....but hopefully I will start to see some major  improvement w/ that soon. I have been going to a Pain Clinic to help w/ this part as well.

Well that's all Folks.....for now ;)

Clot or No clot...That Is the Question....

Well on the positive side I made it two weeks w/out going to the hospital...
So on Friday my PT dude was nervous about my swelling that seemed to have gotten worse on my hipster and I also had pain in my calf so he thought I should give Dr. M a ring- ring to see what was up (and to also ask him how his time in Hawaii was..Not ;))
So I followed my Pt guy's "orders" and rang Dr M...his advice was as follows:

This surgery has a high risks for blood clots...this is not something you take a risk w/..if your swelling has increased and you are having calf pain GO TO YOUR LOCAL EMERGENCY ROOM...like now (well he didn't actually say" like now" but you get the idea)

So I did....after waiting 8 hours for my ultra sound I was Clot Free...next week when I see Dr M. hopefully he will get to the bottom of why I have so much swelling in my hip...well he better get to the bottom of it..because it is truly a pain..literally!

No pics this time of my Hospital trip..I think I have enough to last me a lifetime..It looked liked any other hospital visit so you can use your imagination for this post ;)

Thank You Carrie for taking me and keeping me company xoxoxo
and Thank You D for taking the 2nd shift xoxoxo

On another note. I have made it to 10 minutes on my stationary bike this week..Yay! I have graduated from visiting OT and have stronger arms because of it..Yay..If this surgery doesn't work I can take up female arm wrestling for a living..Thanks Neil;)
I got my cane in the mail..so hopefully my new cane will bring me no more crutches karma soon...The cane is staring down the crutches in my room as I type this ;) Also I had a outdoor adventure this weekend as well....Thank You for a fab lunch on the ocean Dennis, Nicole, Scott and Abby..much needed for my mental health!
So it looks like all my bases are being covered.
Peace Out for now Hipsters :)